So here we are its 4:00 am I’m wide awake and hurting again, actually I’ve been awake most of the night, trying to sleep as much as I could. Is this Fibromyalgia, is it Something else?
I’m at a place where I’m not so sure of myself anymore not that I ever really was. So I’m up at 4 am, so I wish my life would change and that the pain and all the other aspects of this disease would just simply vanish.
I remember the Days of Old The Psalmist David cried, I meditate on all thy doings, I stretch out my hands to you. One thing I asked that will I seek that I may dwell in your house Oh Lord! All of my Days All of my life that I might see you Lord. Hear me O Lord hear me when I cry Lord do not Hide your face from me, you have been my strength you have been my shield and you will lift me up. THIS is my hope, this is my only hope from childhood I have had this disease, from childhood I have lived a roller coaster life of anguish, of intense anxiety, of guilt and shame of a mind not stable or grounded in love.
One thing I ask O Lord one thing I seek that I may dwell in your house… Not my house but your house, your house is wherever I might be at any time, your house is world wide and visibly invisible to men of this earthen world. Your house can be entered by your children at any time day or night we need only to abandon the charms and trinkets weights and worries of this place wherein we dwell.
I will enter your gates with thanks giving in my heart I will enter your courts with praise. I will say this is the day that the Lord has made, and rejoice for you have made me glad.
there was a time in my life O Lord when I would write and you would come sit with me as I wrote, you instructed me as I sought the keys to form the words my heart was searching to express. Lord, Paul said in Romans 10 that your gifting and callings are not taken away, that we have those gifts as gifts not earned and we have them for life.
My handicap and the turmoil anxiety and stresses of this life have made me fall face down in this gutterous world this modern mayhem of a society which is so jaded that performance and status seem to be all there is to life, and I cannot keep up.
I need the one thing that a man after your heart only needs ‘rest’ to rest my hope solely upon you and to have no other hope dream or desire whatsoever.
Lord I come to you today, with a simple prayer to pray, in everything I do let my life Oh Oh Lord praise you. Praise you praise you let my life praise you…
Open the eyes of my heart again forgive me of my sin and my wandering ways, My God you know they only added to the pain, the loneliness and the shame which I have already suffered. Restore unto me the Joy of thy salvation and renew a right Spirit within me.