Legion or Not

Lord, I have been mentally handicapped for all of my adult life bar not one second of it!

If you can use me or my life in any way please do so.

I don’t want to work in the bush (logging) anymore.

I don’t know what to do!

I have been dead in my life for longer than I have been alive.

It seems that I can only wake up for minutes at a time and then I die again or fade away into some dead aspect of who I am without life.

That in itself is nothing short of complete evil.

Jesus, I’m not crazy, I have been dead for over thirty five years, Lord you know this is absolutely true. I have never lived!

My brain is and has been handicapped and badly damaged!

What can I do?

I’m no coward but I need help! I have no-one to help me, only you! I’m like an abandoned child alone! all alone,

Lord please you know this is true.

You saw me when I was a child you saw me being rejected and tormented. You saw me dying inside, dying and becoming invisible, disappearing but still here.

When my mother and father forsake then you will take me up – you will hold me you will be my parent. Lord be my Father! I need love as much as anyone else.

I’m invisible and a reject in this world.

My heart has been like an open tomb, beasts of despair and pain have carved furrows into it.

Loneliness and cold indifference have plowed long gouges into its tender ground.

What shall I do?

Must be that I am like Legion in your word… but I am invisible so they haven’t chained me to the tombs.

So

I rather clothe myself  put on a mask pretending all is well, than run about with chains afoot and naked screams for help.

Hubert Rondeau

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